


Find Me In The Spring

by Lady_Phenyx



Series: Whumptober 2019 [30]
Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Good Parent Joxaren | The Joxter, Joxaren | The Joxter Meets Snusmumriken | Snufkin, ask to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-04 01:33:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21189350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Phenyx/pseuds/Lady_Phenyx
Summary: Snufkin had been told again and again that he'd been abandoned - but they'd lied about everything else, so why not that?It was a question he thought he'd never have an answer to, and he didn't want to admit how much it affected him.The only one who knows what really happened is the Joxter, and no one knows what's happened to him, either.Until the winter Joxter stumbles upon Moomin Valley.Whumptober Day 26: Abandoned





	Find Me In The Spring

Snufkin had been abandoned.

That's what the people at the orphanage told him until he ran away (so, they told him so for roughly a week). What he'd been told over and over again, by people who claimed they knew what was best for him.

It was the sort of thing that stuck, that made him question a lot of things, deep down inside, as he wandered about.

But after a few years, once he had the whole 'vagabond' thing down, once it was clear that they'd been wrong about so much else...a little voice started to question it.

If they were wrong about so many other things...why should they be right about that?

The big problem was that there was no one to ask. No one who would know.

Most of the things they'd told him, Snufkin had been able to prove wrong once he was out on his own. But that...well.

The only thing he had to prove that wrong was how wrong they'd been about everything else.

It stuck in the corners of his heart, a wound that couldn't heal even if he tried to ignore it, and it affected everything. Made him question why people wanted him around, made him seek out even more solitude than what he wanted (and he did want solitude, it was just...he kept to it even at times when he wanted company). At least...until things changed.

They'd all said he'd been abandoned because mumriks were incapable of loving and being loved.

Except...he was lovable, that was proven. Moomin and Snorkmaiden, Little My and Mymble, Moominmamma and Moominpappa, they all loved him in their own ways.

It had taken awhile for Snufkin to accept it, but he had. And it took time to admit it, but he loved them back, so fiercely it almost hurt.

And he accepted it just in time to meet his birth mother.

She apologized more than once for never knowing where he was, and said he was lost while on a trip with his father. Neither of them had returned from that trip, and no one knew what had happened.

The fears of being abandoned reared up again at that, because Snufkin had certainly not spent the years between with his father.

Seeing all her children, Snufkin wasn't sure anymore if being on his own had been a totally bad thing. He might have isolated himself more than he should have sometimes, and he knew it, but that many people in that small of a space...he would have left sooner or later anyway.

None of them could figure out why Joxter hadn't been with Snufkin when he'd been found. Moominpappa wasn't sure he'd been ready to be a father, but even with those doubts he couldn't believe Joxter would just leave Snufkin somewhere.

But one thing Mymblemamma insisted upon, despite her notoriously bad memory: “He wanted you. He loved you. He loved all of my children, not like any other lover I've had. Most of them either ignore the children entirely or try too hard to gain their approval so I'll look favorably on them. Joxter did care, enough that I can't think he left us without so much as a goodbye. And I know, I know what my memory's like. But I still remember how he looked at you. He never would have abandoned you, no matter what people say about him. He loved all of us so fiercely, he wouldn't have just left without some kind of reason.”

None of them knew where Joxter was or what had happened, but just hearing them all be so baffled, so sure that he wouldn't have abandoned Snufkin was a balm to a wound that had hurt for so long he hadn't even realized how much it still hurt.

\---XXX---

Moomin woke up and glanced out the window. He buried his groan in his pillow so he wouldn't wake Snorkmaiden when he saw the snow piled up on the windowsill.

Knowing the routine by now, he snuck out of bed and down the stairs. He wouldn't be getting back to sleep for awhile, may as well get something to eat and see how far along winter was.

Moomin started some tea, looking out the kitchen window idly. It looked like winter was pretty far along this time, with spring not far off – a few weeks, at most. Still, may as well try and get back to sleep tonight, since no one else in the house was awake...

It took a minute for it to register that someone was standing on the bridge over the stream, just about where Snufkin usually met him.

Moomin threw open the door, hurrying down the path.

The person on the bridge startled, taking a step back, looking as though they were debating fleeing.

“Please wait! Hi!” Moomin called. “Hi! I'm Moomin!”

The figure paused at the name, and Moomin reached the bridge, a bit out of breath.

Whoever they were, they were around Moomin's height, wearing a red hat similar to Snufkin's. There was a scarf wrapped around their face, and a ragged cape held close around them for what warmth it gave, and a pair of exhausted blue eyes – all that was visible between the scarf and hat and shapeless clothing – searched Moomin's face warily.

“It's really cold out here,” Moomin said after a moment spent catching his breath. “Won't you come have some tea and get warm?”

The eyes looked faintly amused. “You don't know anything about me,” they pointed out, in a voice that sounded as tired as their eyes. “I could be plotting anything out here.”

Moomin shrugged. “You're out in the cold and you look like you could use a hot drink,” he said. “It would be nice to know your name, though. Come on, I'll bet the tea is ready by now. Or would you rather have coffee?”

The person was silent as they followed Moomin up to the house and Moomin filled the silence with domestic chatter about the drinks.

They waited until Moomin had set out the tea, standing just inside the kitchen door, before relaxing faintly, some tension easing, and speaking.

“...Joxter. I...my name is Joxter,” he said, pulling off the scarf, revealing low, catlike ears and furred paws as he did.

Moomin perked up. “Joxter? Like Pappa's friend Joxter?” he asked eagerly. Joxter stared at him, at a loss, slowly sitting, as if half expecting to be thrown out at any moment, as Moomin explained. “When he was my age, Pappa said he used to travel on a ship called the _Oshun Oxtra_ with friends named, Hodgkins, Muddler, and the Joxter.”

Joxter blinked at him a couple of times. “I...yes.”

Moomin bounced in his seat. “Oh, that's wonderful! We've all been so worried! No one could figure out what's happened to you! We all thought you were traveling, but no one had heard anything from you and we couldn't figure out where you might be, but then Snufkin...”

The tea cup clattered onto the table, Joxter's chair falling with a crash as he launched to his feet. “Snufkin? He's here?”

“N-No, he travels during the winter,” Moomin said, adding quickly when Joxter collapsed in on himself, shoulders hunching and ears flat, “He comes back in the spring. He promised he would. First week of spring, he'll be here. Why don't you stay here to wait? I mean, you probably don't like staying indoors all the time, but it's warm at least,” Moomin offered. “And he'd definitely be here, if you've been looking for him.”

The smile Joxter gave him was a touch bitter. “Won't your parents have a few things to say about that?”

“They would if I didn't!” Moomin huffed. “We've all been worried but we didn't even know where to start looking! Oh, please stay, Mr. Joxter!”

“...one condition,” Joxter said after a long, long pause, eyes glancing around the kitchen, almost as if he were frightened of the proposal, of seeing everyone, before a faint smile began playing around the corners of his mouth.

Moomin nodded rapidly.

“You don't call me sir or Mr. again. Got it?”

\---XXX---

Moomin had to stay awake, now that Joxter was here. It took him a little time to understand the Joxter, but Moomin had experience with that thanks to Moominpappa's stories and some of Snufkin's behaviors, eerily similar to his father's.

Joxter had new stories, and was amused by and fond of Moomin by the end of the first day.

One thing he couldn't touch on was what happened between him and Snufkin. Just that he had been looking for Snufkin, for Mymblemamma, for all of them, for a very long time.

He would grow silent at that point, withdrawn, eyes clouding with pain as he hunched in on himself, and so Moomin stopped trying to bring it up.

\---XXX---

“It'll be spring tomorrow,” Joxter said suddenly, startling Moomin.

“Oh?” Moomin said, glancing out the window. “Still looks pretty wintery out there to me...”

Joxter shrugged. “Overlap. Your parents should be up soon.” He sat up properly from the lounge he'd been in on the sofa, curled up like the cat he resembled with his tail wrapped around himself, to look over at Moomin. “I only want to tell the story once, Moominkit. In theory it'll get easier to tell each time, but I don't know if I can tell it more than once. I don't know if I have it in me.”

\---XXX---

Snufkin walked the last few steps into Moomin Valley, head high and his spring tune ringing out cheerfully up to Moomin House, where extra guests listened for it this year, one more desperately than the others.

Moomin met Snufkin on the bridge, eagerly holding out his arms for a hug, which was granted, both squeezing tightly. Snorkmaiden hung back a little, and was granted her hug once Moomin had his.

Little My came barreling down the path, leaping up at Snufkin, making him catch her lest she fall off the bridge into the still frigid water.

“What's going on?” Snufkin asked, looking at them questioningly and balancing Little My in his arms. It was one thing for Moomin to greet him, and Snorkmaiden came along more often, but for Little My to be here as well, and all of them going for a hug...

“It's...well...” Snorkmaiden faltered.

Moomin took a deep breath, playing with his tail as Snufkin looked at him for an answer. “It's...the Joxter found his way here during the winter,” he said, noticing in worry how Snufkin went still at that. “He...it was close enough to spring I convinced him to stay. He said he's been looking for you for...well, since you were separated. And he wouldn't tell us how yet. He said he wasn't sure he could tell it more than once.”

Snufkin's eyes were hidden by his hat, and Moomin pulled harder on his tail. “You don't have to talk to him! If you don't want to I'll go tell them you're not ready! It's...”

Snufkin reached out and gently laid a paw on Moomin's, stilling them.

“You'll worry your tail bald if you keep that off,” he said gently. “I'll meet him. Just...stay with me?”

\---XXX---

The four stepped inside Moomin House, and conversation ceased.

They stood just inside the doorway, and Snufkin scanned the room. Mymblemamma and Moominmamma were sitting inside, looking back at them with clear concern.

“Where...?”

“He's upstairs, dear,” Moominmamma said, standin. She bent close slowly to give Snufkin a moomin kiss to his forehead, one he accepted, murmuring, “I think he's a bit frightened, dear. He says he didn't abandon you, but he's not sure you'll welcome hearing what he has to say, given you were still left alone. Or even want to see him.”

“I...I do want to,” Snufkin said, and Moominmamma caught the hitch in his voice.

“We're all here for you,” she said quietly. “No matter what happens today.”

“What if...” Snufkin took a deep breath. “No, I need to hear what he has to say. No what ifs. Let's do this.”

\---XXX---

Upstairs, Moominpappa opened the door to his study, finding Joxter pacing inside, tail lashing as he clung to himself tightly enough his claws were threatening to tear his smock.

“He's here,” Moominpappa said unnecessarily.

“This was a mistake. Why should he listen?” Joxter said, still pacing. “Does it matter why? I still wasn't there for him. I shouldn't have come here. I...”

Moominpappa stepped in front of him, holding onto Joxter's shoulders before he could work himself up more or throw himself out the window. Joxter's eyes were suspiciously bright, his ears pressed flat to his head as he looked up at Moominpappa.

“Joxter, you've been looking for them for years. He should at least hear it.”

“I want to hear it,” came from the door.

They turned to find the rest, Moominmamma and Mymblemamma, Moomin and Little My and Snorkmaiden, flanking Snufkin in the doorway.

Father and son stared at each other. Now that they were together, Moomin could see the similarities between them – and how many things came as much from Mymble as from Joxter.

Joxter and Snufkin stared at each other almost hungrily, drinking in each other's appearance. Joxter, in particular, couldn't tear his eyes from his son's face, drinking in the changes the years had made.

“Tell me what happened,” Snufkin said softly.

Joxter sighed, and sat on the floor, the rest of them following suit.

And he began.

\---XXX---

Joxter hunched his shoulders, feeling the eyes on him yet.

Most ignored him while he traveled in crowded places like this. Vagabond, mumrik, not really worth much of a second glance. A curiosity, but unless he was causing trouble or doing something interesting, well, he had as much a right to be there as anyone else.

Except to those in the know. Who knew that Joxaren were rare, and that their kits were kept safe and secure, away from people, until they could take care of themselves. Until their teeth and claws were sharp and they'd been taught everything their parents knew, until they'd been traveling with their parents long enough they could defend themselves. And even then, they often traveled with their parents until they were adults in their own right, leaving and rejoining the family group at will, to have time on their own.

For there to be a single Joxaren and his kitten, a small, tiny kitten, out on their own without their family for protection...a Joxaren on his own was a risk, but one with a kitten...for some people, it was too tempting.

\---XXX---

They were still following them.

Joxter had thought he'd lost their followers in the market, but somehow, they were still back there, on their trail.

Joxter looked down at Snufkin, ears swiveling to listen, and his face hardened.

It was one thing to chase him, but...he couldn't let them close to Snufkin. No matter what he had to do, they weren't going to lay a finger on his kit.

\---XXX---

Joxter raced through the forest, panting for breath, Snufkin clutching the front of his smock, his tiny face buried against his father's racing heart.

He skidded around trees and under logs, dodging and racing, Snufkin held close and safe from the twigs that lashed at Joxter.

They were getting closer.

No matter what happened to him, Joxter had to keep Snufkin safe. That was all that mattered right now.

Their pursuers were better equipped, more skilled at the chase, than Joxter had bargained on. He had to do something fast.

It didn't matter what happened to him, so long as they didn't get Snufkin.

Joxter skidded down a hill, tumbling and hitting the ground on one hand and his knees, his other arm still holding Snufkin close and safe.

He scrambled to his feet, stumbling to a tree, and used claws and one hand to haul himself up the tree.

There was a hollow in the trunk there, and he gently placed Snufkin inside.

Snufkin gripped the sides of the hole, looking up at his father with huge, tearful eyes, reaching up for him.

Joxter shushed him, slipping Snufkin's hat and some food inside with his kit, running hands over Snufkin's hair. “Shh, shh, don't cry little wildling. Stay down and hide.” He ran his thumb over Snufkin's cheek as the child quieted. “There we are. I'll be back as soon as I can.”

He pressed a kiss to his son's hair while silently begging anything that would listen to a mumrik to keep his son safe. Please don't let this be the last time he saw his son. “I love you, sweetling.” 

He dropped from the tree, glancing back at it once, heart breaking, before tearing back up the hill.

He pulled his pack around and clutched it to his chest the way he had been carrying Snufkin and called out as if he'd hurt himself.

And ran.

And the pack followed him, far away from the tree where Snufkin was hidden, one and all.

\---XXX---

“...It took me a day and a half to get away from them, and by the time I got back, you were gone,” Joxter finished, staring at his hands, voice bleak and ignoring the tears filling his eyes, sliding down his cheeks. “I searched and searched but you were gone. I couldn't face your mother with you gone. I couldn't face myself. And when I did try to find her, they were all gone. I...I...”

He was cut off as Snufkin collided with him, wrapping his arms around his father and burying his face in his father's smock, toppling them both to ground.

Both of them squeezed tight, Joxter sobbing into Snufkin's hair as Snufkin did the same into Joxter's smock.

Mymblemamma's arms came around both of them, pulling them in tight as all three of them cried it out.

\---XXX---

The Moomins and Snorkmaiden had left them soon after they began to cling, to let them reunite without an audience, no matter how loving or worried the audience might be.

Little My was leaning against her mother, watching Joxter and Snufkin silently. She didn't know how to comfort others – she didn't exactly have practice at either giving it or, frankly, wanting to give it – but she wanted to, this time. All she really could think to do right now was to be here for them.

They had calmed down by now somewhat, and Mymblemamma stroked Joxter's hair, calming them both with the familiar, long missed action even as his breath still hitched now and then. His head rested on her shoulder, still holding Snufkin tight against him.

Snufkin was clutching onto his father's smock as though he would disappear again if he let go, pressed against him with his head tucked under his father's chin, looking far younger than he was at the moment.

“...I forgive you,” Snufkin said quietly, half muffled by his father's smock. “If you need to hear it. You didn't abandon me. I'm just...so glad you finally found me.”

“I've been searching your whole life,” Joxter said softly. “I never stopped. If you were traveling too, we must have just missed each other so many times...”

Mymblemamma squeezed them a little tighter.

“I'm so tired of traveling,” Joxter said softly. “It's been years of searching.” He tilted his head back, looking up at Mymblemamma. “Is there still room in your life for someone like me?”

“I know how the children can get to you,” she said, playing with the tip of a furry ear before running her fingers through his hair again. “After we moved to our new home, I planted fruit trees out in the garden. Part of me wondered if they might help convince you to stay if you ever returned, knowing there were trees outside for you to retreat to when the children got to be too much.”

Snufkin raised his head, staring at his father. “You're...going to stay? In Moomin Valley?”

“So long as your mother lets me,” Joxter said, hesitantly stroking Snufkin's hair. “I'm tired, wild...Snufkin. I was searching, all those years, and it wasn't the good sort of traveling. I wanted to find my family more than I wanted travel.”

“Oh,” Snufkin said softly, lying his head back down. “...good. I wanted to ask you to, because I want to get to know you, but I didn't want to make you. I don't like being tied down.”

“But you come back here every spring?”

Snufkin shrugged. “The people here are home. I've found my balance. And...you can call me those nicknames, if you want. I think I'd like that.” He nuzzled his face against his father's chest, soaking in the hand stroking his back, the feeling of being held and loved.

“I want you home, kitten,” Mymblemamma said, nuzzling against Joxter's hair. She smiled down at Little My, inviting her into the conversation. “What do you think? Do you think the others will give him a hard time?”

“Not once Mymble and I are done with them, if they try and start anything,” Little My said proudly. She hesitated, then climbed into Joxter's lap, finding a welcome there as his free arm wrapped around her, bringing her into the embrace.

Softly, Joxter started to purr, a sound that was rusty and hesitant at first, growing in strength as he held and was held in turn, joined by Snufkin soon after.

For the first time since they'd been separated, they were home. They were all finally, finally together and truly home.


End file.
